I'm to Blame

Yesterday was veeeery interesting. I had just got home and checked my email, myspace, blogger and cnn when I saw Mitch was online. I decided to say hey and see how he was feeling since he was complaining not long ago about back pain. I say "sup" and he replies with a "sup" then he says Anita is here, do you wanna talk to her? I said sure, and here is the convo:

Anita(4:51:55 PM): hi
Ecko91278 (4:51:57 PM): hi
Ecko91278 (4:52:01 PM): how are you?
Anita(4:52:20 PM): good
Anita(4:53:15 PM): im drunk now
Ecko91278 (4:53:19 PM): bwahaha
Ecko91278 (4:53:33 PM): I was pulled over saturday night after drinking :p
Anita(4:53:33 PM): i seen u drivin the other day
Ecko91278 (4:53:40 PM): where at?
Anita(4:53:51 PM): by 743
Ecko91278 (4:53:56 PM): ahhh
Anita(4:54:07 PM): in the morn
Ecko91278 (4:54:18 PM): hrm.. what morning was that?
Anita(4:54:22 PM): i don't drink and drive
Ecko91278 (4:54:26 PM): neither do i
Ecko91278 (4:54:28 PM): i had one beer
Anita(4:54:33 PM): i drink heavily
Ecko91278 (4:54:41 PM): that's bad :p
Ecko91278 (4:54:51 PM): is mitch drinking?
Ecko91278 (4:55:50 PM): I work with my dad for the time being :p.
Anita(4:56:38 PM): i only drink when im not working
Anita(4:56:50 PM): what is this :p
Ecko91278 (4:56:50 PM): That's good :-)
Ecko91278 (4:56:54 PM): :-P
Ecko91278 (4:56:59 PM): :p
Ecko91278 (4:57:02 PM): same thing
Anita(4:57:04 PM): im real professional
Anita(4:57:13 PM): im a bitch thou
Ecko91278 (4:57:15 PM): hahah
Anita(4:57:39 PM): my boss says i have to be more of a bitch thou
Ecko91278 (4:57:49 PM): yea, you can't let people walk on you
Anita(4:57:55 PM): i think im bad enough
Anita(4:58:04 PM): im the baddest bitch
Ecko91278 (4:58:13 PM): lol
Anita(4:58:13 PM): like little kim
Anita(4:58:24 PM): ive lost a lot of weight
Anita(4:58:29 PM): i look good
Ecko91278 (4:58:35 PM): sweet :-)
Ecko91278 (4:58:38 PM): I'm the same :p
Ecko91278 (4:58:49 PM): http://myspace-377.vo.llnwd.net/00436/77/30/436210377_l.jpg
Anita(4:59:04 PM): what u lost a lot of weight
Ecko91278 (4:59:10 PM): lol
Ecko91278 (4:59:21 PM): I have never had any weight to lose
Anita(4:59:34 PM): ha ha i know
Anita(4:59:44 PM): how have u been?
Anita(4:59:54 PM): ecko?
Ecko91278 (4:59:55 PM): I've been alive lol
Anita(5:00:00 PM): ur clothes
Ecko91278 (5:00:03 PM): yeppers
Anita(5:00:06 PM): im glad
Ecko91278 (5:00:14 PM): 91278 is my bday
Anita(5:00:16 PM): i wish we could be friends
Ecko91278 (5:00:31 PM): awh.. do you have a phone yet?
Anita(5:00:41 PM): i know that u think im retarded? i still remember
Ecko91278 (5:00:45 PM): hahaha
Anita(5:00:46 PM): yea
Ecko91278 (5:00:48 PM): so do I lol
Anita(5:00:57 PM): i have a bf now he
Ecko91278 (5:01:04 PM): here.. write this down ***-****
Anita(5:01:06 PM): is a mechanic
Ecko91278 (5:01:07 PM): sweet
Anita(5:01:27 PM): ill call u some timee
Anita(5:01:34 PM): i am drunk
Ecko91278 (5:01:44 PM): I can tell :-P
Anita(5:01:52 PM): i gotta go to work tonight at
Anita(5:02:09 PM): 11
Ecko91278 (5:02:17 PM): I hate working nights
Anita(5:02:25 PM): so i guess u do know me
Anita(5:02:34 PM): im used to it
Ecko91278 (5:02:44 PM): ;-)
Anita(5:03:33 PM): i love nights
Anita(5:03:52 PM): wanna meet real quick at a bar
Ecko91278 (5:03:59 PM): I'm trying to be normal and sleep during the night now
Anita(5:04:02 PM): have a drink
Anita(5:04:17 PM): common
Ecko91278 (5:04:19 PM): what bar?
Anita(5:04:32 PM): stop bein that way
Anita(5:04:37 PM): u pick
Ecko91278 (5:04:38 PM): being what way?
Ecko91278 (5:04:39 PM): lol
Anita(5:04:49 PM): i miss talkin to u
Ecko91278 (5:04:53 PM): Are you able to get to a bar?
Anita(5:05:00 PM): i know it's been a while
Anita(5:05:04 PM): yea
Ecko91278 (5:05:07 PM): yea, I haven't talked to you in years
Anita(5:05:11 PM): i know
Anita(5:05:14 PM): where
Anita(5:05:21 PM): 1 beer
Ecko91278 (5:05:39 PM): thinking....
Anita(5:06:02 PM): commom
Anita(5:06:14 PM): its for ol times sake
Anita(5:06:24 PM): were friends now
Ecko91278 (5:06:25 PM): rofl
Anita(5:06:27 PM): right?
Ecko91278 (5:06:31 PM): I guess lol
Anita(5:06:43 PM): to see your face
Anita(5:06:51 PM): its different
Ecko91278 (5:07:00 PM): it is? lol
Anita(5:07:04 PM): weve been so close
Anita(5:07:20 PM): a long time agp
Anita(5:07:25 PM): ago
Ecko91278 (5:07:42 PM): yea, I know.. I remember :-)
Anita(5:07:49 PM): just come and see me
Anita(5:08:23 PM): u pick the place i dunno etown anymore
Anita(5:08:26 PM): hurry
Ecko91278 (5:08:29 PM): neither do i
Ecko91278 (5:08:35 PM): lol
Anita(5:08:35 PM): fuck u
Ecko91278 (5:08:48 PM): ooook

---

Session concluded at 5:09:08 PM -At this point I was kind of annoyed

---

Anita(5:09:29 PM): oh i know ud like that but common
Ecko91278 (5:09:39 PM): hahah
Anita(5:09:40 PM): for ol times sakes
Ecko91278 (5:09:55 PM): do you know where rockwells is?
Anita(5:10:01 PM): where
Ecko91278 (5:10:16 PM): its up close to pizza hut
Ecko91278 (5:10:42 PM): you go up to that light by turkey hill and veer off to the right
Anita(5:11:05 PM): yea
Anita(5:11:34 PM): meet you ther in 10 minutes
Ecko91278 (5:11:46 PM): bwhaha.. I need a shower!
Anita(5:12:03 PM): fuck u i don't have time for a shower
Ecko91278 (5:12:09 PM): ahaha
Anita(5:12:17 PM): i gotta take a nap b 4 work
Ecko91278 (5:12:43 PM): well I need one..
Anita(5:13:28 PM): u got 30 min
Anita(5:13:33 PM): hurry
Ecko91278 (5:13:34 PM): ok

So I took my time and got my shower, got dressed and headed down there. I pull in and I'm looking around the parking lot for her. I don't see her anywhere, so I head in. Just as I'm getting close to the entrance I hear this familiar "Hiiii". I looked by the building where this familiar voice came from and saw her, standing there with a smile on her face. I walked over and she gave me a big hug and started crying. I knew from there that this was going to be a long night.

We got a table and walked into the bar. The waitress walked us over to a table in the middle of the dining room. Anita then requested a booth for more privacy, which I thought was a good idea. I didn't want people listening in on our conversation. We sit down, look at the menu real quick and the first thing she says in a really annoying voice is "why haven't you been over to my place? Like, you only worked 5 minutes from there, but you couldn't even come over and say hi". I'm thinking "Greaaat, she doesn't see me in years and the first fucking thing she wants to do is start an arguement over something she already knows the answer too". I just said that the reason I never stopped by was because I didn't know if she was still living there and I worked nights, so I wasn't about to go over at 7 in the morning. I was pretty close to just getting up and walking out. I didn't show up there to argue.

She could sense that I was upset and tells me she can still read me. Then she says I can still see the pain in your eyes. I didn't say anything, since she probably did see pain in my eyes, but it wasn't over her. I think it's more like, she feels pain when she looks into my eyes cause she said she can't even look me in the eyes without feeling sad.

We continue talking, but I switched the conversation to a more lighter subject. I complimented her and she said I look really good. She got a laugh that I was wearing preppy cloths, but liked my new style. We talked about her family and mine and how she misses my family etc etc.

So we get back on a sore subject after that conversation. I've already had one beer in me and was working on my second when she brings up the past again. I tell her to bury it, please, but she continues talking like I didn't say a word. She starts saying how the entire downfall of our relationship was her fault, but I told her it wasn't just her fault. "A relationship takes 2, so now please, bury the past." She still continued, so I just listened to her as she got all teary eyed. I offered my hand out to her and she grabbed my hand. I didn't want to see her cry. I don't want to see anyone cry over stupid me.

I switch to a lighter subject again and ask about her current boyfriend. She's telling me all about him and how she met him. Then it gets good, she sorta blurts out of the middle of no where how it was MY fault that her life is fucked up. I wasn't man enough to stand up for her. Ok, now I'm contemplating why she even asked me out to the bar. Was it to make me feel like shit? Was it to see if she could still tear at an old scar to see if it still bleeds? I looked her dead in the eyes, not saying a word, and sipped my beer. I played the staring game for about a minute when she looked away and said how she can still see pain. I'm thinking "No bitch, you're just trying to get under my skin and your trying to make me feel like shit."

The waitress comes over and says there are 2 seats at the bar if we want to smoke. Anita wanted a cigarette, so we headed up to the bar. We ended up playing musical chairs for about 5 minutes with the other bar patrons. Once that was settled, we got another beer. We started having an enjoyable conversation for once. She told me more about her current boyfriend and how she loves him etc etc. I wished her well with her new relationship and hoped it works out for her. God only knows she needs a decent guy in her life. She tells me he wants her to stop drinking and smoking pot. I LAUGHED and said "Sounds familiar, eh? Don't fuck this one up." She got a tude with me. I just got under her skin pretty deeply and I could tell.

I wasn't there to start trouble with her, so I appologized, since it seemed to really upset her. She told me it was ok, since it was the truth.

She keeps bouncing back and forth on the same 4 different topics, so I just listened and occasionally commented here and there. I heard most of the stories the last time I spoke with her 3-4 years ago, so it wasn't much news to me.

Her mom keeps txt messaging her and she starts freaking out about what she is gonna tell her boyfriend. I told her to tell him that she was just hanging out with an old friend. She's like I can't lie to him. I said, well technically you are not lieing. I'm not here to get in your pants, so he has nothing to worry about. She still kept saying how she's gonna be in soo much trouble. Then she leans over to me and puts her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her cause I knew she was getting sleepy. I said she can leave whenever she wants and to not let me hold her up. She thought it would be best if she left too, so she gives me a big long hug and starts crying again. She kisses me on the cheek and I kiss her back on the cheek. She goes back for another long hug and then just kisses me on the lips.. I'm thinking, "Great, don't start this shit AGAIN". She kisses me again, but I didn't react much to it this time. She tells me that I'm still just soo cute and gets her things and leaves.

I stay sitting at the bar for another hour, just drinking. Many things were going through my head, like:

Why did she want to see me?
Why did she kiss me?
Wonder if she still has feelings for me?
Is she ever gonna straighten her life out?
Did she want to see if I still bled?
Why did she say that ignorant ass comment about me not trying to help her?
Who is this hot chick that just sat next to me? Behehehehe

Anyways, it was a rather strange experience. It was good to see her again and I told her we'd have to hang out some time. She said she'd like to see Matt and everyone else again, since she does miss them alot. I may not feel the same way about her as I did in the past, but it seems like she is reaching her hand out to me in a sense. It made her smile when I said we'd have to meet up with Matt sometime. I got her phone number and email address, so I'll make some plans with her and hope I can maybe do something for her. I don't mind helping anyone, even crazy ex girlfriends. :p

Holy shit, I just realized I made two posts in one week with alot of content in it. Go me!